On the Arts & Entertainment channel you can watch a show called Dog the Bounty Hunter where some, white trash, fifty-something-year-old man, who appears to have stepped right out the ring of a WWF event, brandishing a blonde mullet*, and an open shirt, hunts down other white trash criminals with his wife: Did I mention that's on the “Arts & Entertainment” channel? Art, indeed.
Next up, The Learning Channel. Oh yeah, lots of learning going on here. Tune into to Toddlers in Tiaras, and watch disturbed mothers, dressing and dolling up their soon to be disturbed, spoiled rotten, little princesses, in revolting costume, creating the image of a slut or prostitute affixed unwitting to an innocent child. Watch them parade in front of judges, despite not having anything to parade: Perverse. How about a little history, by way of a show call Ancient Aliens from the friendly folks at the um... History Channel. A giant load of shit passed off as pseudo factual information. MTV, yeah we all know they haven’t had anything resembling music on in twenty some years. You can however, watch a show called, 16 and Pregnant in keeping with the success of their morally void, ‘real world’ material that has become their new gravy train.
Next up, AMC, American Movie Classics. If you want to watch an, edited for TV version, of The Nutty Professor II, tune in. I’m sure they will be playing it over, and over, and over again. A true American classic, sprinkled, no saturated with ads, like my new favorite from Taco Bell, where a young Mexican American boy drives 900 miles with his friends (I didn’t know it was possible to drive 900 miles without running into thirty-six of them) to visit a Taco Bell to enjoy a new Frankenfood product available from the chain... a taco (with traces of meat in it, just enough to be able to call it beef) in a shell made from Doritos. I shit you not. More favorites... any of the Progressive Insurance ads. For example, an ad where a family is transported to the insurance giants fictional offices and is overcome with wonder, as though they have just entered Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory, except here, instead of chocolate, its insurance policies, some required by law. Nothing evokes wonderment more. The teenage boy’s eyes are wide as he surveys the stark white walls where I guess he will be buying, um... insurance. Ha!
If you haven't yet had your fill of the constant drum beat for war with IRan, you can tune into any of the national news programs. Ironically you will have to tune into Comedy Central's Daily Show or Colbert Report, for any dissenting opinions on the matter. The sad comic tragedy of all this is, you’re paying for it, or at least someone is: $50-$100/month for this crap. A lot of someones. We can be proud that all this is emanating from the earth at the speed of light, albeit encrypted now. Those aliens gotta pay for this shit too. Perhaps they have a friend and can get it for free. Which is vastly more than it is worth.
*Yes! They’re coming back, though Dog is probably not aware they ever left. Full disclosure: I had one in the eighties myself.
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